if it doesn't honor me....toxicity
It's hard to think of myself as the problem. Which is also quite comical considering I always think I am the problem. What I guess I mean is, that I don't see myself as the "problem" in a toxic way, but in a victim way. I see the situation but without looking at my own direct actions and reactions that may have exacerbated the problem. I've been trying to work on some introspection of my own inner toxic traits and let me tell you it's humiliating but also humbling. It's now a new way I can look back at past relationships and friendships, see what happened and realize that not everything is the other person's fault. I had action and cause that also lead to the downfall of the friendship/relationship. Ive also noticed I've become obsessive over these as well. Always wanting this person/persons to see what they did wrong, see how they hurt me, hurt us and fully accept the blame. But I can't do that. I can't make someone else see their part...
