If it doesn't honor me...comparison

Jealousy is truly a little green monster that burrows into your heart and poisons your outlook on life. Why is my skin not soft? Why is my ass not fat? Why don't I have a tiny waste? Why don't I have a partner? Why can't I travel? why why why why. Life of all the "why can't I/why don't I" suffocate all of your being that you do have, it robs your authenticity of daring to be yourself. Transparency is a virtue.

We also need to understand that everyone is a liar. Me, you, them. We all lie to a certain extent. I remember once my mother complimented someone on something, I can't remember what it was now, but I asked her why she had lied, because whatever it was, didn't look good. And this is when my mother explained "well it's okay sweetie, it was only a white lie." And now, thanks to snapchat, my ass is also a white lie. Just a soft bend of the truth, still an ass, but hide the cellulite. What's the harm anyways right? But again, this devalues your authenticity, I want to be okay and safe with the cellulite on my ass, it's natural, it's there and EVERYONE HAS IT. In the world of Kardashians and influencers, it is so easy to get caught up in the idea that no one has pores, or a double chin, never a bad hair day, and 15 inch waists. Now, no shame to my girl KKW, but she is the exception to the rule of human anatomy (thank you millions of dollars) but for some reason, she has become the expectation instead. Now, if I could have millions of dollars and get paid to work out all day and have plastic surgery, I probably would....at least, I would have a few years ago. Now, I've started to fully accept and embrace myself. Obviously still hard, obviously still a daily challenge, but I am glad that I can look back at photos and memories and be like "yeah, that's me." 

Everyone makes fun of the "catfish" but no one wants to see you without makeup either, everyone complains "girls only ever salads on dates" but you know that if you scarfed down a burger in front of your crush, that you would also be hit with "ooh girls got an appetite" which by the way boys, is not a compliment, please shut up. We need to stop having this double standard of saying "be yourself, BUT NOT LIKE THAT." It's confusing, and honestly it makes me concerned for my nieces who will be met with the sharp tongued girls in high school, just as I was. But at least when I was in high school, snap chat filters and instagram weren't a thing yet. 

I've had so many things told to me by others regarding my body, one of my personal favorites was (and keep in mind I was on a date with this guy) "you know, you could be a 'butter face' but you need a nice body for that."  Can I tell you that I still paid for that goddamn date? I used to think that was true, and it's what I deserved to hear, I was a fat girl, I deserved the shame of it all. I was lucky to get a guys attention. You dumb bitch past Lauren...high fives for how far we've come! Now I like to picture throwing a glass of water in his face and walking out. But I digress.... your body is perfect, because it is your body. It hold who you are. You can't do that wrong at all, can you? No. Honor your body, honor your temple, embrace your being. 

Now, I'd like to clarify exactly what I am saying.  My point is, do what honors you. If you go full slut for that dog filter on snap chat, you own that bitch. If you like full coverage foundation with fake eyelashes, that's great! If you shadow out your "flaws" girl you do you! What ever you do, you own it, you do what honors yourself. Never let anyone shame you out of your own authenticity. Never laugh at the joke "take a girl swimming on the first date to see what she really looks like" that is tiny dick energy and we do not have time for that. I like angles and lights, I love catching myself in a certain way, I love a good **fire** selfie as much as the next person, because as much as natural being honors me, so do fishnets and good lighting. 

Never compare and despair.  Just look, give a compliment and move on. There is a type for everyone, someone out of this 8 billion people world, are into someone "like you." They're even here in your hometown. Catch a dick, or slide into a vag all you want, but never EVER let anyone make you feel like they're ashamed of you because of how you look or how you are.  I had a guy tell me he loved me, absolutely would pound me, sounds like a great situation right, love and great sex??....but then I found out he was sending my nudes out and laughing about how fat I was to his friends. Boy, bye. As much as this killed and hurt me, it made me realize, that putting up with certain shit, just to hear "I love you" is one of the slowest forms of death. And bitch if you're gonna die, you're gonna die crashing your car off a cliff as you rush to a party putting mascara on in your rear view mirror. Not by slowly suffocating yourself just for other peoples validation.

Overall, love you. Be you for you. Honor yourself, be yourself. If it doesn't honor you, don't desire it.