if it doesn't honor me....toxicity

It's hard to think of myself as the problem. Which is also quite comical considering I always think I am the problem. What I guess I mean is, that I don't see myself as the "problem" in a toxic way, but in a victim way. 

I see the situation but without looking at my own direct actions and reactions that may have exacerbated the problem. 

I've been trying to work on some introspection of my own inner toxic traits and let me tell you it's humiliating but also humbling. 

It's now a new way I can look back at past relationships and friendships, see what happened and realize that not everything is the other person's fault. I had action and cause that also lead to the downfall of the friendship/relationship. 

Ive also noticed I've become obsessive over these as well. Always wanting this person/persons to see what they did wrong, see how they hurt me, hurt us and fully accept the blame. But I can't do that. I can't make someone else see their part, and maybe I'm so obsessive over it because I feel like something from the situation or fight is missing, so I ponder and fester, eventually leading to obsession and the wound never heals. But what is actually missing from this is me not realizing my contribution to the downfall. I take my blame in parts, I can take that and move on to heal. I can't make someone else see their toxicity, I can only work on my own. 

This is in no way me taking sole responsibility for the broken friendships and relationships in my past. This is also not me forgiving people either, honestly they can still fuck themselves. What this is, is me realizing that two toxic people only make more toxicity, and that is no good for either party involved, so you might as well leave it because no matter how you look or try to change it, it won't. Let the past be past. Take notice of your parts, and move on.

I've realized parts of my life where I was the bad person, and other parts where I was toxic and I'm trying to grow from that. I'll be forever internalizing my own thoughts and reactions to other people, seeing and evaluating what place my actions or words are coming from. Am I victimizing myself in a way to avoid responsibility?? Or am I seeing someone else's toxicity, and now not going to subjectify myself to that and move on?

Is this growth?