If it doesn't honor me....

My 2020 year was different from many others I am sure. As a nurse working during a pandemic, it was as stressful as you could imagine, the isolation from my friends and family almost destroyed me, and the political climate was terrifying. But, if I had to go through one year to become who I see today, it would be 2020. 2020 was an absolutely a transformative year for me. I truly saw who I was, who I surrounded myself with, and since 2020 was a dumpster fire of a year anyways, I thought that I'd throw some things into that incinerator myself. I went into 2020 with a mindset that I was going to change my life. 2019 was by far the worst year of my entire existence, you could offer me to be Kylie Jenner's grandchild in my next life, and I would NEVER re-live 2019. So, what could 2020 have to lose?  I went into the year with the mentality that I was going to kick ass, and I did. I focused on my mental health, I rebuilt myself from the ground up and patch holes that happened along the way. I stopped to smell the flowers on the good days, and made sure to pack an umbrella for the storms that I knew I was unleashing inside of myself. I was finally able to heal old wounds and face trauma head on that I had been denying for years. I was able to see my own internal toxicity that I used to manipulate people. I forgave myself, but I also refused forgiveness to others, and that felt powerful just the same, but that's a story for a different time 

At the end of 2020 I had almost came up with a mantra of my own. "If it doesn't honor me, I do not desire it." I repeated this to myself countless times. And now I feel like I can grow on it even more, "If it doesn't honor..." you fill in the blank. If it doesn't honor any part of you, you don't desire it, burn it with fire. Life is to short to surround yourself with actions, materials and people that don't honor you, any aspect of you. 

So, here I am now thinking, why not turn this into a blog? Why not capture my journey of dishonor, and write about it. Everyone puts everything on the internet anyways right? 

So here is to 2021, years building to "if it doesn't honor me..."